I sang but failed to conquer

By Suroshree Sinha, Bangalore

Shri Shadhu Thakur’s 141st Abhirab celebration in Bangalore was planned and put in place with lot of effort. The organizers had painstakingly chosen people to perform, arranged for good food and then made an effort to give away mementos to everyone present.

The puja started on time with few punctual people, exclude me... I was late like a few others but at least I made it. There were many who did not even turn up for the event. The crowd was much less than what was there the last time. Performers arrived late and the entire program schedule went haywire. My program was scheduled at 3.45 p.m., I was relieved that I would at least get some time to practice once before I sang. I have done concerts for the BSF jawans, competitions, charity shows for under-privileged children but never had the chance to sing in our mother tongue. I wanted to be perfect, like the other numerous concerts that I had done earlier. Suddenly, I hear my name called out at 11.30. I was to sing “Right now”… Hubby dearest was nowhere to be seen, Mom on the other hand wanted to hear me sing for the first time, I had to connect the phone to Delhi, Mom-in-law… sitting proudly that her daughter-in-law was to make a mark today, I just froze with anticipation. Believe me, if I say that my mom-in-law has been after me to practice and learn the song properly. I had practiced while cooking, while taking a shower, dusting the house, but I could not make it to the rehearsal where the table player was to assist us.

Well with shaking legs I went up to the stage settled myself down near the harmonium… I looked up, Sapan came up to me and smiled, “Go ahead di... I would accompany you at the harmonium… don’t worry it’s going to be fine”. With a big gasp of air, I breathed out a few words “Girigithani… this is the first time I would be presenting a song in aamar thar, bear with me and if I make any mistake forgive me”. I closed my eyes said a little prayer and off I went. Sapan on the harmonium was immaculate, the table played. I sang with all my heart and soul. I opened my eyes to a clapping crowd, but it was not as buzzing as I am used to hearing. I wanted it to be loud, thundering like everytime, it wasn’t… still I smiled. I picked up my phone… Mom said …"Well done sweetie it was good,”… I climbed down the stairs to my husband… looked at him… “It was good.” Mom-in-law said it was good. I was satisfied that I dint make a blunder. Amitabha Kaku came up to me and said… “you should have held the mike a little closer, the song was nice.” Now that was the reason the clapping was not so loud. I had made a mistake after all. I promised Myself… next time I am going to outdo myself, next time people are going to come up to me to say “hey you did good,” like they always do after every of my concerts. “God give me the strength to perform again for you, but this time it would be better that the last. My voice would reach your ears.”