Sunday, 16 October 2011

30+ Single Women—Live on!

By Prabal Atreya, Bangalore

This one is solely intended for the BM reader population although we see it almost everywhere around us. No prizes for guessing the intended audience, and lets leave the upper limit open. Off course others can take a cue out of it as well and form an opinion. And this is generally not for love birds. And not that I’m seeking attention from all 30+ women out there without shying away from my desperate self to get married. I’ve been fortunate to meet quite a few women under this bracket, all so wonderful in their own ways. Some didis, some friends and some real good friends. In fact some of them surprised me with their persona which the latest ‘IT’ girls fail to display and practise. Some are really qualified, intelligent and smart. Some really are the desirable ones, which we BM men see, with jaws and tongues wide open towards women from other communities but not within. And I’m seriously proud of having known them. And sometimes, I do feel for them…I’m sorry to all my known friends, if at all anyone’s reading this, I know that you don’t need anyone’s empathy. But then, I’m sure you’d understand where I’m coming from.

And in spite of your wonderful candidature, I find it hard to believe and recognise your singlehood. Because when I see you, I find you among the contemporary women and singlehood is hard to accept on your behalf. While we all may contest over the statement that singlehood is cool and can have a life in present times and generations, let us also be honest for once to ourselves and accept that we all need partners, legal or illegal but emotional. While we like Sushmita Sen for her dignified ‘Single Mother’ stand or the ‘Dabangg’ Khan for ‘Being Human’ in spite of being single, they too would not deny the fact that a partner would complete their otherwise accomplished life. True, in spite of the void that you feel around, you stopped thinking about it and converted yourself to work on other wonderful things that people can do, have a larger objective in life beyond success; maybe because you don’t want the devil to force an outage in your beautiful mind. And I have to blame you for your singular self, me (the ALPHA MALE), your family, my family and the community as a whole. Some of you were born ahead of times. Some of you were completely misquoted/represented because of your persona. Some of you had to live life for others, forgetting your own. Some had a bad marriage. For some, family was not responsible enough for you. And many other factors.

I blame you for not having made some minor compromises with life. You should have realised that your ‘Prince Charming’ is not available for now then you could have gone for the ‘Not-so-bad Knight’. I’m sure when you look around, you realise that the Not-so-bads are leading a lovely, healthy and wealthy life with someone who took a smart step ahead of you. I blame you because you paid so much time and effort for your family, you did not think about yourself. And you could have spoken it out with your family, even if no one speaks about it and that does not make you selfish. There’s also this self-obsession and pride that you maintained, not only you, but we all BMs have and surprisingly display within us. A mere adjustment within that space would have made a lot of difference. What if the opposite sex had no-civic sense, you should have taken it up as a challenge and turn things around, there are examples aplenty as well. While many may appreciate your efforts to hold on to your roots by not getting hooked up with someone from another community, I would like to call it as foolishness, and as always I would like to value human beings and it’s relationships more than societal barriers which is not helping you progress and fulfil the very human needs.

I do not like your family as well. Because they just did not do enough for you. Merely understanding you was not good enough because their constant effort to get you settled would not have let you where you are. Because we, the scattered BMs have a challenge to find prospects for each other and but it can never be a reason that we did not find a prospect in 500-700k population. And some of them, sorry to say, were selfish for more reasons than one. And there cannot be a good explanation as to why they could not get you settled. Even an economically downtrodden would find one because we have enough within the same line. I’d not like to deep dive much into this, I understand that it is a very emotional side of yours.

I had a greater role to play in your singular status. My non-civic behaviour made you worry/suspicious a lot about you getting into the marital institution with me. Because of my irresistible showering of love and suddenly leaving you in crossroads led to an emotional crisis that by the time you made up your mind for a second shot, you ran out of time. Because I sounded like ‘The Man’ but I couldn’t take you to my extended family who don’t understand that age is just a number. Because I’m too knowledgeable to understand more than doctor do and discard the relationship citing conceiving issues, behavioural issues due to hormonal changes etc. Because I’m a smart Alex and enjoy your confidence, knowing that you are at the crux of your life and just how badly you’re dependent on me. Because I worry about a tomorrow when you’d no more be interested in pervert thoughts and participate in my fantasies. Because I might be a good person but I worry about a tomorrow without you so why jump into it (unless off course there is a love angle to it). Because I might have slept with multiple women but I I’d always prefer the ‘eternal’ area where trespassing was never allowed.

Yes, my family also had a role to play in this drama. A greater acceptance would have made a lot of difference for sure. But dwelling into it would do no good instead fill your heart and mind with negativity hence cutting it off the track. But yes, this role is as important as the stated above. And so is the community. But why talk about it; we already have enough of it from the gossip mills so I would not like to disturb you further on this.

And by now, I, the occasional blogger, would have garnered enough attention from the vulnerable 30+ readers for being a little humane towards them, which by the way, is not at all the intention. However, notwithstanding the ‘Attention Seeker’ tag, I would still like to continue pouring in such lovey-dovey dosages.

It’s about an observation I have. It’s about a life. It’s about a beautiful heart who finds herself in a situation, wherein, in spite of growing up as mature human being, someone has to long for another’s acceptance just to fulfil social norms. And a thought of living life alone without a shoulder to rest on. Well, men or women, who does not want one. And it is so unfortunate that the society gets so biased in our attitude towards the subject, be it in BM or in the larger India. For all the learned folks who think it’s a passĂ©, please understand the issue still exit within the larger India and BM. While I could be a 50-year old, hardly able to penetrate through a 20 years old girl, keeping her away from the very basic right to have sexual bliss is okay but we can’t think the other way around. And for all the readers, who question my (blogger) stance on the issue, well I’m no different. Given a situation, even I would give my own reasoning — let’s go to a Gynaecologist and then take a call. Or maybe I’d cite family issues and walk my way out. So basically, I’m no different and fall under the larger bracket.

But my failure to take a stand and the impotent self in me does not stop me to understand someone who’s just as human as me, in fact more than me. To tell her that she still needs to look forward to life and a partner. While many may think that keeping fingers crossed leads to greater anxiety and depression so better concentrate on other objectives in life; I would still have a different take on it and would like to believe that a person still have to keep her doors open to fall in love and be loved. She has to love herself to be loved, keep grooming the way she used to. For there might be a better tomorrow, when there’ll be someone to hold your hands, who’s more richer with humanity and science and take a stand alongside you. And then, you also have to do justice with him by being your very best. That life’s been tough on you, but you see, in the process, your experience made you so rich, that now you are a satisfied individual on your own right, taking challenges head-on which many of us, both genders fail in. That you still have a dignified life which many fail to maintain. Let me also add that, today in BM, if you are single and beyond a certain age group, apart from the taboo of ill-effects in future generations, most of the people avoid forming an alliance is because of the greatest persona you possess, the outlook that you have which is unmatched, forget about the chauvinist prospective men that you came along the way and perished.

To all single women above 30, I on behalf of all BMs, in spite of my weak self, would like to wish you all the very best in life. It’s an honest interpretation of what I observed and feel about and are put across with utmost sincerity and respect to your sentiments. And I would still want to add a footer note of an apology in advance if it sounds distasteful or if I fail to do justice, for there could be difference in opinion or improper presentation unknown to me while writing this piece.
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