I do not find any valid reason for this ritual. As already on the day of the death of the husband an elaborate ritual of breaking the bangles of the wife, wiping her bindi and shedding colorful attire and wearing white clothes, the color of mourning is done. Are, all these act not enough, that her head is being shaved?
By Ranita Sinha, Kolkata
In a country like India, where so many ill practices like Sati Pratha, dowry system, female infanticide, child marriage etc are prevalent; I feel lucky and proud enough to be born in the Bishnupriya Manipuri community, where such ill practices does not exists.
But it will be wrong on my part to delineate our Bishnupriya Manipuri community free of any ill practices. It rather practices a more perilous one in the name of custom. It is –"the custom of tonsuring the head of a woman on the 12th day of the death of her husband". I feel indescribable pain, as I try to put in words this diabolical act.
A girl gets married with so many dreams in her eyes. She leaves behind all her near and dear ones for a stranger. Her life changes drastically after marriage. Her identity changes from somebody's daughter to somebody's wife. She stands by her husband through out his good and bad times. She is rightly called his soul mate.
But as life has its own course, it does not remain the same as always. Birth and death are the two ugly realities of life. Where there is life, there has to be an end to it. So, sooner or later a person has to meet his/her end.
In our society a wife who meets her end before her husband is said to be a SATI. But who looses her husband is seldom blamed to be a curse for him. But how can it be true that a woman, for whom she sacrifices everything, can ever be responsible for his death.
In every Hindu community, it is seen that the younger male lot tonsure their head on the death of an elderly in the family. It seems quite natural, as we are used to seeing it and it even does not make much difference because males often shave their heads at smallest pretexts- to save them from excessive heat, to look trendy etc.
But in our Bishnupriya Manipuri society, on the 12th day of the death of a person, the barber is called and along with the male lot the wife of the deceased is put forward to tonsure her hair. My heart stops beating when I think how she would have felt at that vary moment. As she was taught from her childhood that a girly character is not complete without beautiful long hair and that it is the dignity of a woman. How humiliated she would have felt from inside?
At that moment she already remains in acute trauma, with the thought of loosing her husband. Her loss cannot be compared with others. She who always had her husband by her side has all of a sudden become, alone. I wonder why her plight is being enhanced by such deeds. At the time, when she needs the love and support of her near and dear ones, they instead, compels her to follow, this inhuman ritual. This custom, I feel, must have bruised and battered her mind and soul.
I do not find any valid reason for this ritual. As already on the day of the death of the husband an elaborate ritual of breaking the bangles of the wife, wiping her bindi and shedding colorful attire and wearing white clothes, the color of mourning is done. Are, all these act not enough, that her head is being shaved?
I always heard about this custom but never faced one, until one day after my marriage I met two of my cousin sisters-in-law, who lost their husband at a very young age, with tonsured heads. I never met them before but the moment I saw them, I felt an unknown pain inside me. Then how come the people who know them for so long, did not feel the pain and compel them to do so.
When being asked the reason behind this inhuman ritual, I got the reply that it is a gesture on the part of the wife to show her love and respect for her husband and that she has lost the most precious person of her life. Also, that a woman who does not tonsure her head at the death of her husband is again reborn as a woman, that too of a lower caste.
I do not know if the reply I got was right or wrong. But does all this reason make any sense in today's world. Then will it be right to say that a woman who does not shave her head at the death of her husband does not loose anything or that she does not love or respect her husband, or she is in less pain. The answer will be a big NO, than also she will undergo the same pain but the only difference will be that she will feel less traumatized and less humiliated.
Can't this diabolical act be stopped? Can't there emerge from our society a Raja Ram Mohan Roy who would fight against such ill practice, as Raja Ram Mohan Roy fought against child marriage and fought for widow re-marriage. Can't, this act be stopped by passing a constitutional law, with the help of which SATI pratha was banned. Above all this, I feel, this act can only be stopped when the victim stands to her own resistance.
Dear reader, it is exclusively written on my point of view. If it hurts anybody's sentiment, I apologize. But, its my utmost plea to all, to at least have a thought on this issue. Does a woman not have the right to lead her life with dignity?
But it will be wrong on my part to delineate our Bishnupriya Manipuri community free of any ill practices. It rather practices a more perilous one in the name of custom. It is –"the custom of tonsuring the head of a woman on the 12th day of the death of her husband". I feel indescribable pain, as I try to put in words this diabolical act.
A girl gets married with so many dreams in her eyes. She leaves behind all her near and dear ones for a stranger. Her life changes drastically after marriage. Her identity changes from somebody's daughter to somebody's wife. She stands by her husband through out his good and bad times. She is rightly called his soul mate.
But as life has its own course, it does not remain the same as always. Birth and death are the two ugly realities of life. Where there is life, there has to be an end to it. So, sooner or later a person has to meet his/her end.
In our society a wife who meets her end before her husband is said to be a SATI. But who looses her husband is seldom blamed to be a curse for him. But how can it be true that a woman, for whom she sacrifices everything, can ever be responsible for his death.
In every Hindu community, it is seen that the younger male lot tonsure their head on the death of an elderly in the family. It seems quite natural, as we are used to seeing it and it even does not make much difference because males often shave their heads at smallest pretexts- to save them from excessive heat, to look trendy etc.
But in our Bishnupriya Manipuri society, on the 12th day of the death of a person, the barber is called and along with the male lot the wife of the deceased is put forward to tonsure her hair. My heart stops beating when I think how she would have felt at that vary moment. As she was taught from her childhood that a girly character is not complete without beautiful long hair and that it is the dignity of a woman. How humiliated she would have felt from inside?
At that moment she already remains in acute trauma, with the thought of loosing her husband. Her loss cannot be compared with others. She who always had her husband by her side has all of a sudden become, alone. I wonder why her plight is being enhanced by such deeds. At the time, when she needs the love and support of her near and dear ones, they instead, compels her to follow, this inhuman ritual. This custom, I feel, must have bruised and battered her mind and soul.
I do not find any valid reason for this ritual. As already on the day of the death of the husband an elaborate ritual of breaking the bangles of the wife, wiping her bindi and shedding colorful attire and wearing white clothes, the color of mourning is done. Are, all these act not enough, that her head is being shaved?
I always heard about this custom but never faced one, until one day after my marriage I met two of my cousin sisters-in-law, who lost their husband at a very young age, with tonsured heads. I never met them before but the moment I saw them, I felt an unknown pain inside me. Then how come the people who know them for so long, did not feel the pain and compel them to do so.
When being asked the reason behind this inhuman ritual, I got the reply that it is a gesture on the part of the wife to show her love and respect for her husband and that she has lost the most precious person of her life. Also, that a woman who does not tonsure her head at the death of her husband is again reborn as a woman, that too of a lower caste.
I do not know if the reply I got was right or wrong. But does all this reason make any sense in today's world. Then will it be right to say that a woman who does not shave her head at the death of her husband does not loose anything or that she does not love or respect her husband, or she is in less pain. The answer will be a big NO, than also she will undergo the same pain but the only difference will be that she will feel less traumatized and less humiliated.
Can't this diabolical act be stopped? Can't there emerge from our society a Raja Ram Mohan Roy who would fight against such ill practice, as Raja Ram Mohan Roy fought against child marriage and fought for widow re-marriage. Can't, this act be stopped by passing a constitutional law, with the help of which SATI pratha was banned. Above all this, I feel, this act can only be stopped when the victim stands to her own resistance.
Dear reader, it is exclusively written on my point of view. If it hurts anybody's sentiment, I apologize. But, its my utmost plea to all, to at least have a thought on this issue. Does a woman not have the right to lead her life with dignity?
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I m 29years old,in this little life I didn't this type of activities in our community.
ReplyDeleteEverything is right but to shave a woman's head, I can't tolerate this because I didn't see like this. It's too much.
ranita, you write well and I can identify with a lot of stuff you blog about ... and for now u have really brought out the issues well.
ReplyDeleteShaving head was never a manipuri custom, it is an ancient hindu custom borroewed by us few hundred years ago. According to the custom on the death of an elder in a Hindu family the young males and the spouse shave their heads and beards as a sign of mourning and thus 'Mundan', a vedic term for the ceremony. According to hindus this Mundan (shaving of head) indicates an external symbol of the mental state of complete dispassion and turning away from the pleasures of the world. Their saying is shaving will relieve a person of much worry, and the time he would have otherwise spent in drying, combing and dressing his hair he may spend in prayers and meditation.
So it is not only the woman who shaves her head after the death of her husband, it is vice versa. Whatever it be, it seems like an odd custom for todays context.
But the fact here is upto the advant if hinduism in Manipur, the dead bodies were burried just outside the enclosers of houses. Many testifying records and chronicles have supports on it. It was some Bengali idiot called Shantidas Gosai, who inspired King Garib Newaz to make an order to dig out and burn all dead bodies, which were formerly buried inside the compounds. I am sorry if I said something offensive, but fact is fact.
This kind of custom is not at all logical...Neither in ancient times, nor in todays world...
ReplyDeleteBut a modern Ram Mohan Roy is not required to free us from such evils...With due regret, I would like to say that women r the greatest enemies for themselves...I have seen many a times...Whenever a person is dead, women are expected to cry...The women who doesn't cry, is evil in the eyes of other women...It's the woman who criticizes other woman more than a man does...
So, in spite of asking for Ram Mohan Roy, we should pray for normal people to understand the pain of a Widow...
My heartiest thanks to u all to read and comment which inspires me to write more..
ReplyDelete@name does not matter- i am not at all deep into history..i write completely on my own experience..i hv no idea about facts..all my writings are on issues i faced personally..thanks for ur elaborate description which is really educative..there is nothing to get offense..but i never support such customs or rituals..
@Tridiv -i totally agree with you that women are the biggest enemies for themselves..but whoever may be blamed this act is a pathetic one..
I am glad to see that Ranita is well and has come back with this really really touching piece of article. Yes this is pathetic practice.. for the sake of preserving Hindu heritage how long we will continue this kind of practice of medieval age? I heard, in some states of India people are abandoning the practice of shaving the skull, mostly because of education and consciousness. I hope our logical conscience will guide us what to do or what not to do.
ReplyDelete